In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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