My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
