Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
