Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The air taste purple.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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