Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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