Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
50% drunk capacity currently
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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