My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
