Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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