You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
