I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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