I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
