I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
