New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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