You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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