so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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