my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
