you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
