fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
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