There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize