I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
