take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
