i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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