So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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