tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Someone shattered a urinal.
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Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
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I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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