I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
