everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
