he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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