I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
