I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
