Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
