Someone shit on the floor
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I need to align my fucking chakras
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