But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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