Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just google imaged poop.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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