I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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