i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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