I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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