his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
