the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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