Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
