note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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