naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
