she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
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So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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