I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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