I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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