just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
