he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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