Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
