Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
