I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
