I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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