this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
