Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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