4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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