I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my being single is dangerous.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
