I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
