I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
